Believe It or Not

Have you ever read a book that made you read a sentence over and over and over and over again because you just can't believe that you just read what you just read?! I never have, until today. Well actually, I cracked open this file last night and started to read, but I was too tired to continue. So today I started anew. And let me just tell you, before I jump into my rant, that I haven't even finished the story yet. I'm not far off, but I have fear and 'hope' for the ending.

You can find this ebook, Alive On the Inside, at Amber Quill Press. I was written by Naomi Brooks and Angelia Sparrow. I've read their works before and enjoyed them, plus, I'm not squeamish, and I can go for some unconventional lovemaking/characters. HOWEVER, *big sigh*, I don't think the warning adequately covers what you can expect in this story. Below I've included the warning.


This book contains graphic violence, hardcore bondage and punishment, torture and blood play. May not be suitable for the more sensitive reader. (I also think this warning won't adequately convey what to expect because it has been used so frivolously in novels that don't even come near the level of violence and graphic detail of this novel.I've written bloody scenes myself, decapitation, implosion, explosions, and maiming. However, I don't think all that effects us when it happens in battle-scenes or as punishment. Battle we can understand. Punishment we can undestand, but pain at this level for the sake of pleasure? Well, that's just downright disturbing, eh?)

I'll leave that up to you daring readers to decide.

What they don't tell you are that there are some heavy religious issues faced in this story. As a matter of fact, a large portion of the story focuses on faith, belief in God, damnation, sodomy and the like. I think they should have included that in the warning as well. Anyhow, the story is quite unique. The writing is exceptional. The idea original. The execution's what horrified me. The main characters work for the Phantasmagoria: a circus that moves from town to town using the railroads to travel. The Phantasmagoria has been around, as the books says, forever, in one form or another. Its highly paranormal; the entire act is run on magic and mystery, fueled by the blood of the innocent and the souls of the guileless. But the guiltless murdering of innocent people isn't what horrified me either. After all, I am a huge horror fan, and I expected some sophisticated explanation of it all and in the end a redemption of some sort.

What GOT ME was the show itself. Of course I've seen movies about freaks and read up on all manner of disturbing scenarios but surely some of the horrifying acts, described in gory detail made even me--who does not have a penis-- shrivel up and die. I mean if I had a penis I would baby it for like three months after reading this. I would check every hour of the day to make sure it was still there. The acts performed by the characters during their performance made me a little queasy sometimes. If you have an imagination anything like mine and you decide to read this book, then perhaps you will know something of what I speak.

SPOILERS AHEAD! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

Expect everything you've seen in movies about freakshows/circuses like bearded women, Siamese twins, wicked clowns and deformed dwarves--freaks as they call them. Also expect these freaks to have sex, and expect a front-row seat. Expect dildos with spikes,cutting as entertainment, some character abuse.

As for the horror, one example that comes to mind is when Torturo, The Pain King, and MC of Alive on the Inside roasted his penis in a fire, stuck a fork in it, and tricked a man to bite into it to see that it was real. It was, and the guy bit the tip off. I almost died. I really did. The guy BIT OFF roasted penis.

Well, I don't want to offer up anymore spoilers. There are plenty more delights in the story. I'm off to finish reading this baby! I tip my hat to the two authors. They have balls--balls the size of basketballs. I hardly ever feel the compulsion to dissect a read, to share, or spoil any details of its offering, but I must say this one touched me deeply in a place I won't soon forget.

The Saddest Smile I've Ever Seen

Today I stumbled across some old poetry I wrote back in 2007 while I was in college. I went through a period of deep depression while being separated from my folks for the first time, and I really was not enjoying the campus life. Writing poetry, which is something I rarely do, provided both an outlet for my frustration and relief from boredom. While poetry is far from my strongest point, this poem in particular really resonated with me and still does.

You possess the saddest smile I've ever seen.
Must have been through many a things.
Your eyes are so sad, makes a person wonder if you were ever glad.
Must have been something you lost, you thought you had.

You possess the saddest smile I've ever seen.
Your tears could make the angels sing.
Broke your body right down to the spleen,
Invisible blood? What do you mean?

You possess the saddest smile I've ever seen,
Don't think you appreciate anything.
How long its been since you saw the color green?
Laid down in a bed of flowers in the spring?
Colored a flower blue and green?
Dropped a coin in a wishing well?
Tilted your head back in the rain and yelled?
Bought an apple pie just because of the smell?


You possess the saddest smile I've ever seen,
Must have been through many a things,
Your eyes are so sad, makes a person wonder if you were ever glad,
must have been something you lost, you thought you had.

Favorites of December 2009

Books

1.Wanting by M.L. Rhodes
2.Unnecessary Roughness by G.A. Hauser
3.Wings by J.C. Owens
4.Just For You by Jet Mykles

Movies
1.No Country for Old Men
2.The Fifth Element
3.Blade Trinity
4.Ninja Assassin

TV
1.Baby Story
2.Cake Boss
3.I'm Alive
4.The Mighty B

Music
1.How to Save a Life performed by The Fray
2.You Know I'm no Good performed by Amy Winehouse
3.Con Te Partiro performed by Andrea Bocelli
4.Red Sky performed by Thrice

Virgin or not to virgin?

[FYI: I'm talking about gay fiction here, at first.:D]


Well, this subject has been on my mind for some time, ever since I noticed my tendency to hit the back arrow on stories where characters are prostitutes. I'm not really a fan of prostitute stories, and I don't get its popularity (Though I have read a few). I can't really recall a trend in heterosexual romance where females were prostitutes and I'm quite sure if they were I'd gloss over them as well. I have indulged in stories with these types of characters by Ally Blue and Amanda Young, but that was because something really interested me in the storyline and I knew from the start that they were awesome authors.

So, does it matter that much: a person's sexual experience? I'd like to say no, but I am a guilty fangirl of the first timers. I could say its influenced by my own lifestyle, and maybe it is. Maybe ten years from now when(hopefully)I'm married I'll have a different perspective. Perhaps I am the victim of nearly ten years of historical romance where the damsel had to be pure as the newly fallen snow.

I think I enjoy the first time situation because I'm a hopeless romantic. Lets face it, more folks probably end up with a life partner after trial and error and hardly settle down with the man or woman who takes their virginity. But would they ever forget their first time? Even if that person was a jerk and the first time really sucked you'll probably still remember that person forever and ever. So the ultimate romance would be sticking with your first true love, right..or er..sex partner long enough for love to blossom?

Okay, maybe not.

Funnily enough, when a man has sex with women all his life and then sleeps with a man I still count him as a virgin. He's a virgin to gay sex and I still 'oh' and 'awe' at the first coming together.

In recent years, more so in heterosexual fiction, women are breaking out of their constrained roles as virgins while their male counterparts were sex gurus. I am happy about this and every now and then I'll pick up a m/f book regardless of either character's sexual experience. Though, nowadays, I read considerably far less m/f in romance then I do gay fiction.

If we authors are holding true to reality then we'd probably be able to say we know far more female virgins than male virgins (adult). Frankly, I don't know a single adult male virgin, unless somebody has been lying to me. In a world where exposure to sex is happening at far younger ages; teen pregnancy, and even contraction of STDS and fatal viruses are on the rise in some areas, keeping a boy or girl 'untried' until marriage is becoming but a glimmer on the horizon.

It never ceases to annoy me when folks arm themselves with religion to denounce gay rights because the bible 'says' it is a sin and yet no one ever talks about chastity to their children and how it is a sin to have sex out of wedlock. According to the bible their is no differentiation in sin. A murderer is just is guilty as a purse thief, but I digress.

Virgin or not to virgin? Surely we don't want to read hordes of bashful virgin men with horrible bedroom skills? Variety is the spice of life, yes? However, its called it fiction for a reason, and although some may grumble and huff--as they did when a certain --ebook that shall not be named released from Samhain--came out featuring a guy who had saved his virginity until he had a commitment from his partner, fiction is the only place where it is okay to be damn near perfect. Sure it may not be realistic for handsome twenty-three year old John to never have laid down with man when he's gay, but damn it, if nobody has written about a 220lb, five foot six inch man with a receding hairline in romance/erotica yet getting his happy ending, then I say let the fantasy be a fantasy. And give me my damn first-timer. :P

Now, having said all that I'd like to make it clear that I do not refuse to buy gay fiction books based on a character's sexual experience. Most of the ebooks I buy, you can't tell what is what until you start reading. I just think the V is an extra bonus, at least it is to me.

New website is up!

Finally, my domain transfer kicked in yesterday so I am back in action. Sorry if you tried to visit my website and got the 'This account has been suspended message'. All is well now. I've subscribed to webs.com, which is 10x easier to handle than c-panel on host sites. I will miss my cowboys though, but I will be having a more professional layout done soon. You can still find me at sagewhistler.net

Website is temporarily down!

If you've made it over to this blog you might have just come from my website which is down at the moment. Yes, I know it is no longer online and yes, I let it go on purpose. I am currently in the process of finding a new website provider and redecorating my website. Both should be accomplished within a week. Meanwhile, if anyone would like to get into contact with me you can reach me at sagewhistler@gmail.com.

Thanks for your patience, folks.